inthisdayofage

Because everyone is too hung over and tired from being up so late ringing in the new year. How will I spend the New Year? I don’t know. I got sick yesterday with like some kind of flu or something but that doesn’t matter. I’d rather be at home then at some party with a bunch of people saying happy new year while everyone around me is kissing. I don’t have a date, I don’t want a date, I’d rather be alone this year, because I haven’t met the one and there is no way in hell I would bring the new year in with a loser from around here because thats now how I’m going to start the new year off. I have been reading all day, and the book that I’m reading is making me think a lot about changes. Well speaking of changes we will have the new president soon. Hooray! I mean I’m kinda glad we are done with Bush even though I voted for him twice I’m just sick of the war and how things are going. Anyway, this book is making me thinking how I want to get a new job for the new year. I’ve been at Wal~Mart for too long and feel that I have wasted my time there. My 5th year is March 31 and I’m going to get another 40 cent raise! Oh Yay!!! I don’t even get a dollar raise in 2 years. Its ridiculous and I think its time for a change. I know I graduate from college soon but I’ll still be a broke student making no money, I need to do something. I need a better job. I just need something that doesn’t make me so miserable. I’m almost at the point where I would take a pay cut to work somewhere else that makes me happier. So this is one of my new years resolutions, find a better job that makes me happier. You know the feeling when you got fired from a job or you quit and you are thinking oh man what did I do?? But everything seems to work out for the better??? I think that is what my future holds for me. Happy New Year everyone!!!! and Be safe!!

Hahaha I need to lose as much weight as possible because in exactly one year I am heading to Jamaica for a friends wedding and I’m going to look good. I found out the night before last and I’m soooo excited. I’ve never been there, never even dreamed of going there but I love to travel and this is the perfect reason to go on a vacation. I wouldn’t miss her wedding for the world. Maybe I’ll meet another tourist there on vacation and fall deeply in love. haha Probably not, but whatever I can dream. So yeah till then I’m on a diet and exercise program. Not any particular program but my own little program, and I have a year to get it together. I don’t think I’ll forget about it or lose interest because every waking thought is that I’m going to Jamaica in a year and I need to look good in a bikini! I have been out of the country before, I’ve been to Mexico, and Canada, and Hawaii even though Hawaii is still considered U.S, but never have I been anywhere else foreign. I have been warned by a worried male friend of mine about the “stabbin Jamaicans” or whatever he said. I googled Jamaica and learned that they have the highest murder rate in any country in the world. Haha How exciting!! (not really) But it looks sooo pretty there I can’t wait…. well yes I can until I have a bikini ready bod. :D 

Why is it that I get sooo many losers asking me out? When I moved back to Cali it’s like I had a string of losers that I was going through. At the time it made me happy, but when I look back, and think of all the mistakes I made hanging with the losers it makes me feel bad about myself. I was happy with the attention I was getting from all of them but they are losers. Like major losers. Settle for a career at Walmart, they don’t drive, live at home with parents, have no desire to go to school. UGH!!! I just don’t know why I even gave them the chance. What was I thinking? I mean what is it about me that attracts losers? I am a smart girl, I go to school, planning on getting my masters within the next two years, I am pretty. Shouldn’t they think I’m way out of their league? Cause I think so. hahaha

Today I called out of work because it was a snow day. I didn’t go play out in the snow. In fact I cleaned and read all day. Then at night I watched a cute movie called The Neighbor and now I’m relaxing listening to music about to read some more. Its been a great day! I have to work tomorrow night but it’s okay. I only work 4 hours and it’s the good managers. So I won’t be so miserable. I mean there’s no telling if a customer pisses me off but it still is better when the good managers are there. I can’t wait till school starts. Jan 7th please hurry!!! I have decided not to move from L.A county and I am relieved. My roommate flaked out saying something about getting her own place or moving out of town. Whatever loser! So I feel like it’s a sign from god that I need to stay here for now. I’m even applying to grad school here. Wow Go Figure! I think I can live here for a few more years. Its cheaper that way, I got my family here, and my amazing friends. I’m just trying to make the best decisions for my life. I’m tired of paying for the mistakes I have made, I’m tired of correcting them, this time I’m not making any room for mistakes. I’m done messing up. I’m not giving people chances because I know they will only bring me down. For example, hanging out with losers from work. It’s attention from guys but I don’t want it. Wow I thought I posted this blog already. It’s a day old. I got a phone call when I was writing and I guess I totally forgot about this blog needing to be published. Wow. 

There were rumors that it was supposed to snow Tuesday, well Tuesday came and went but Wednsday!!! OMG! It snowed alllll day! Seriously, it didn’t stop. We hear this each winter, and people will be like Oh I hope it snows!! And everyone is like yeeeah right! Well it snowed today and snowed alot. Since I used to live in Michigan I had to prove how bad I was by going to the store and running errands. I knew the store would be slow because of the snow so I used that opportunity to do a little Christmas shopping. Im curious to what tomorrow is going to be like. I have no idea if I’m going to work or not. I’m kinda hoping I get to have another snow day. Ive never seen it snow like this in So. Cal. NEVER. The first winter that we lived here it snowed alot but I swear I don’t think it was as bad as this. This has been the best season ever, snow before Christmas!!! I hope it sticks so we can have a white christmas!! 

Here is my little rant after looking at this little girls myspace profile. She’s like underage, maybe 16 or 17, and she thinks she is the baddest hood rat of them all. It breaks my heart to see people like her moving to my city. They are soooo down for the 818 but yet they are living in the 661. What’s up with these numbers anyway?? WHO CARES!! “Where you from?” 818!!!!!! Hell yeah!!!!!! Always reppin’ and always down for my streets!!!! Seriously??? Give me a break. She’s writing in her profile that she’s, “hated by lots, confronted by none”. Well sorry little girl I got a news flash for you, I’m not afraid of you and I don’t think anyone else is. I just don’t get it why it’s getting like this? I mean maybe it has always been like this but since they are all moving to the “661″ I’m seeing more of it. Little hoodrats thinking they are sooo bad. I’m a young age of 25 but I’m to the point where I hate the youth, because they are so cocky, and think they need to prove themselves to be the baddest wolf of the pack. Go to church, go do some charity work, or something but stop acting hood when you aren’t. This lady I work with was talking to this other guy, and they are from “the bad areas of L.A.” and they move to the 661 and bring the filth with them. Well she was saying to him, “you can take the girl out of the neighborhood but you can’t take the neighborhood out of the girl.” Oh wow let me just stop and say how hood you are. Things like that is what makes this area hood is because of trash like that. Well go back to your beloved neighborhood and get shot or something, we don’t need or want your welfare, section 8, hood mentality as* here! GO HOME! 

“There are too many sheep in the world”. This is a quote I use very often, and where would you look for these sheep? Walmart! That’s where. I have more then a few things to say to the customers who shop a Walmart. First, when you head to Walmart, you know there will be long lines so why do you complain when you get there? Walmart is a horrible company and they feel that they should make their employees bust their butts while ringing up long lines full of all you angry sheep! Second, when you complain about things, or complain about your cashier, guess what?? NO ONE CARES!!! For example a lady got mad at me because my light was off and asked me if I was opened, I responded no because I wasn’t and then I cleaned my register and prepped it for the day and went to grab the next customer in another line. I don’t have to help, I don’t have to grab her. I can take the next customer from any line. I knew she would be problems so I chose not to help her. She saw that I opened up and she was still in line and got all crazy and wanted to speak to a manager. First of all NO ONE CARES, and she’s complained before about a situation just like that before so they already know who she is. I started arguing with her because I was right, I was closed and I didn’t have to help her. I took the next customer in line because I’m a good cashier and hard worker. I just choose my customers wisely. hahaha So anyway one of my managers comes over and shuts my light off. She pulls me into the cash office and tells me she doesn’t care about it and that the lady is just a crackhead and she just wanted to get me away from her until she left. HAHAHAHAHA I find it hilarious that these people think they can complain on you and try to get you in trouble when it doesn’t work!! So take that all you sheep!!! Next time you want to complain about how long the lines are and what not, wake up and REALIZE that you DON’T have to go there!!! You can shop somewhere else you know. There are other stores other than just Walmart. Freakin cattle!

That when we dream about someone, we wake up liking them and missing them? I’m not sure what happened with me and him but heres the story. One day at work we got a new manager and he was cute but I didn’t like him. I usually never like the new managers. So this was nothing unusual. Well one day it just kinda happened and me and him were talking, and then it started to be texting and calling. We had to keep everything a secret because we could both get fired for dating. He is basically one of my bosses. So we hung out one night and things happened then the next day he sent me a text asking if we could hang out the next day. I felt like he was going to be one of those clingy guys I always met, so I told him, “look, I’m really independent, not clingy, I’m okay with seeing the guys I date once a week.” He was like okay and then as I thought about it I was like was that harsh? So I said you aren’t mad are you? and he was like no why would I be mad? I guess he was mad or something because a few days after that he started blowing me off and things ended with us. I stopped texting him and he stopped texting me. He lost his numbers in his phone and I was okay that he didn’t have mine. But yesterday I sent him a text just asking how he was and then that night at work I would see him everywhere. My guy friend came in again so we could go shopping after work and he saw us together and he wouldn’t even look at us. He probably thinks thats my boyfriend but it isn’t. So anyway, I had a dream about him, and we were hanging out and having a good time and I finally got to talk to him about what went wrong with us. But that was all just a dream. I have less than a month left till I leave. Maybe when I don’t work with him I can finally talk to him about it all. 

I leave Los Angeles in a month. As I sit here and think about how I’m leaving again for the second time it saddens me. The first time I left I moved all the way across the country. I don’t know why I did that! I had to be crazy, because now I find it so hard to just even move 2 hours north. They have a saying in this area where I grew up most of my life. It goes something like, “Once you leave, you always get sucked back in and come back.” This is true. I left the first time with so much pain and happiness to leave this place I have hated for so long. But once you are away you realize what’s important to you and you begin to miss that place and everyone that you left in good spirits. So I returned, the first night I drove through L.A I looked at the night skyline and was immediately on a high. I was filled with such happiness to be home. I missed this place, I missed things I didn’t think I would miss. This move thats taking me 2 hours north takes me out of L.A County. Right now I’m happy to leave L.A because I hate its trash. I am back to all the reasons why I left in the first place. But after nights like last night and tonight I don’t want to leave, because once I leave there is no coming back this time. I am at that point in my life where I am done here. I’m about to graduate, and head to grad school somewhere that I hope will make me happy. I have always been the type of person that likes change. But right now I’m afraid of change. I’m afraid to transfer my job, I’m afraid to move away from my friends, I’m afraid to move away from my family, and I’m afraid of leaving L.A. I reflect on all the good and bad times I’ve had here for the last 14-15?? years of my life. You either love or hate L.A. I think I finally am starting to love this place and accept it for its real harsh reality. Movies and television shows depict this city and area to be all glitz and glamour. But L.A is more then just one city. L.A is a big county that is filled with many residents in many suburbs of Los Angeles the city. There is a more sad side to this place than what is shown on television. If anyone came to visit, I would suggest skipping all the things you already know about and see on t.v. To really get a feel for a place I feel that you need to live there to experience the environment but also to get a feel of that in a quick trip the first thing would be to skip the touristy stuff and drive to the “ghettos” to see where most of these residence reside. This is our city, this is what makes us who we are.